Ignorance Is Bliss

You know you're pathetic when: I invited my little brother to go to a movie last night with me.

Anyway, I don't know what to feel lately. Everything has been muddled, and for the past few months, instead of trying to ignore what I feel, I try to work my way through it. You know, address my emotion, ask myself why I feel that way, and then come up with a solution. And usually, it works. I end up feeling better and not worrying so much about whatever I worry about. But this problem; I've ended up ignoring it because I've tried every possible approach and nothing is working.

For the past two years loneliness is a daily occurence, like my headaches. I mean, my mom is my best friend; my family is my life. I don't even really have my church friends anymore, since C was the one who mostly bound me to them. Though L is trying. I'll give her that. The only one who has treated me the exact same way, ever since I can remember, is A. And I am grateful for that.

I am a loner, by nature, I guess. I feel like there is something different about me, and I know that everyone says that at least once, but honestly. I read too much, dream too much. I spend more time in daydreams of the impossible than in reality. I am not good at communication, and I guess that's the biggest problem. When I talk to people, they don't understand what I'm saying. Like I'm speaking a forgien language or something. At least, with people my own age.

Why couldn't I just have been born....I don't know....simpler. With less worries, about less important things. Why can't I just act my age, wear bright skinny jeans even though they look awful, listen to pop music and spend my allowance Friday nights at the movies with friends. Accept when a boy asks me out, instead of saying no. Ignorance is bliss.

Oh, and by the way, now I feel like some steryo-typical teenage girl 'no one understands me, my life sucks'. Like an idiot. Oh well; I probably am just over reacting, but you are all imaginary anyway, so what does it matter?

Pathetically Loving,
J